What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 01:56
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why is every human messed up in some way?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Who then, do I blame.?
Are Indian youths conservative or liberal?
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Science news this week: Overdue earthquakes and star-shaped brain cells - Live Science
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What would explain Trump blaming Ukraine for starting the war with Russia?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is soul school!.
Would this be the day?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was very sick at this time too.
Ive learnt so much.
What was your first trans experience like?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Especially a lifetime of it.
How do I become an intelligent man?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Are you afraid of being alone?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Which is better, a naked picture of some one you know or porn videos?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I write beautiful poetry .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But, we were locked up after school.
When she asked me how she looked .
What did i know ?
She found it foreign!.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Put me off passion for life!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She wouldn,t have been !
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I never cut or harmed myself..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I will be 64.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She married twice! .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
(And it was in our own minds.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We all went to grammer schools
So whats the point in blame.
But it wasn’t much.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was scared of men, in general
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im still living with it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was 9 years of age.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One cannot live in the past .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It was going to be , some day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were not on the streets..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
All the time i was locked up.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I have no regrets .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i lived it daily.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My family never makes their pension either.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She loved him until the end.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I said to her
My life is so biszare .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was seconnd youngest,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I waited trembling.
Comes on , in middle age.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.